The founders of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) observed that when human beings perceive the world (usually through our five senses, including our feelings), we tend to filter what we perceive:

1. 1. We delete. We tend to delete stuff we hear or see, or even taste or smell. An example would be automatically not seeing the second ‘the’ in a sentence; or those times when we only see the good in situations, and not the bad (or the reverse); or when we only intentionally hear about what’s bad about the people we don’t like; or how we do not notice anymore the humming of the air-condition as we work. There is a benefit to deleting as it helps us to (i) not be overwhelmed by the barrage of data that come to our attention in each moment, and (ii) make meanings that are more in consonance with our beliefs. There is a danger to deleting as well because the way we filter for arriving at the ‘truth’ may lead us to icky conclusions and situations.

1. 1. We distort. Distortion is when we filter what we perceive and assign meaning to it that lead to conclusions that may or may not be true. An example would be if we text someone and they did not respond. We may conclude that they do not care about us, which may or may not be true. Another example is if a stranger strikes a conversation with us and we immediately think they like us. Another example is when children throw tantrums and we immediately conclude they’re bad and need to be disciplined. Another example is if our spouse comes home late and we immediately conclude that they had a good time instead of working overtime. Or if a car cuts in front of us and we immediately conclude that that driver must be a jerk. We distort what we perceive, and the distortions usually rise from our beliefs – the belief that texting back immediately is an indication of how much people care, or that strangers will only approach us because they are interested in us, or that good children never throw tantrums, or that our partners should always be home within a reasonable commuting time from the office, or that all drivers who cut in front of us in traffic are really just arrogant fools. Obviously, it would be helpful if we take a second look at our assumptions and conclusions as generated by our filters and beliefs.

1. 1. We generalize. Generalization is when we conclude that a specific point of data applies to all members of same population. An example would be all men are insensitive or all Catholics are good. We may have had a hurtful experience with our girlfriend, and we conclude that all girls are out to hurt us. While generalization helps us to survive and make sense of our world, it obviously has disadvantages as well. It leads us to conclusions and actions that